Thursday, May 3, 2012

If I didn't know better...

If I didn't know better, there are many times when I am tempted to think...

God must get so tired of my knocking, asking, pleading prayers.

If I didn't know better.

The truth is that He never gets tired of hearing my prayers.

He probably gets more than a little weary of the whining ones, and the pitiful pleas for help when I don't know how to even voice my heart...

but He never gets tired of hearing from me.

And the thing that happens when I voice ALL of it to Him, is so amazing. He hears, He listens, and He does His thing in the middle of my prayers. Sometimes He corrects and changes even the prayers themselves.

I've prayed many prayers that God has re-directed. He changes my heart, my focus and speaks His truth into the very prayer I am praying.

Often it happens right away, when He taps me on the heart and reminds me of truth... sometimes it happens gradually, when an attitude or situation needs to be yielded more fully to hear His answer.

Sometimes it's an answer I don't want to hear at all. That is when the prayer becomes something I didn't see, didn't want to see, or couldn't accept when I began praying.

If I could play back a recording of my prayers, it would sound like a reflection of my heart.

That's what it is.

Sometimes the tune is joyful and full of praise, sometimes it's a cry of desperation, or a very detailed complaint about something, but stack all of them on top of each other, and they are the voice of my heart, and if I didn't know better, I would think that God would tire of the whole messy pile.

If I didn't know better.

But I DO know better, and it's because DO know better that I know He understands my heart. He takes the whole thing, and shapes and changes it...

And in the process, He changes me.

One of the great advantages of growing in the Lord through the years, is the ability to see the history of His faithfulness.

I'm not the same as I used to be, even my prayers are not the same, and both my life, and my prayers are moving forward on God's learning curve for my life. I'm sure that His desire would be for me to move more quickly and to learn His ways without repreat lessons, nevertheless...

He is always there, and the journey continues... I am asking, seeking and finding, and the door is always open.

Luke 11:9-10
"Here's what I'm saying: Ask and you'll get; Seek and you'll find; Knock and the door will open.


Kathleen said...

"God's learning curve for my life" ... I like that! It's a mental picture that coincides nicely with the skid marks on my posterior for having taken those curves too sharply at times. I now know it's better to still my racing hard as I move into them.

Like you, I am not the woman I once was - all petulant & busy, expecting God to whip up a reply to my prayers like a tuna sandwich. I see the reason behind many of His responses, which allows me to quietly wait for those that are yet outstanding and in route. Come to think of it, I have grown to appreciate the silences too.

It's good to know better.

Felisol said...

"Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down, Oh, yes Lord, Sometimes I'm almost to the ground, oh, yes Lord."
I am glad we have found this solid rock to built our fragile lives upon.
I'm human, He's divine, the weaker I am the stronger He is.
Today I feel like the man Isaiah is describing in chapter 43:3 "A bruised reed shall he not break, and the dimly burning wick shall he not quench; he shall make the right to go forth according to the truth. 4 He shall not fail nor be crushed, till he have set the right in the earth; and the isles shall wait for his teaching."

A bruised reed. Nevertheless the promises are there for me too.I shall cling to them, I shall be comforted by them. I, the weakest among the weak have these wonderful promises to walk on. They shall uphold me.
Not my strength, but his.

Farm Girl said...

I really like this Sonja. You always answer what I am thinking about. I was thinking about just this today. If I should continue to pray about something very dear to my heart or was God tired of me?
I will continue to pray then but I will wait knowing He hears and I will watch and see if I need to change my prayer and conform to His will.
Thank you, you have no idea how this helps me today.

Debbie said...

Oh what wonderful words. If I didn't know better, I would think exactly as you outlined. If I were God, after all, I would weary of Debbie. I'm so glad I'm not God and that HE is.

I loved this line:
"If I could play back a recording of my prayers, it would sound like a reflection of my heart."

That is so true! I have read old prayer journals and discovered an old Debbie. Most of the time, she makes me grin. Sometimes I just shake my head.

I think He shakes his head too, but I think He does it with a smile.

Because He does know better.

myletterstoemily said...

this is so true. i love how beautifully
you express the truth.

history is important. i cherish my
history with the Lord and my friends
and family. the amount of time spent
together enriches the relationships. said...

Amen..said so well...and how many times I start to cry out and He starts to reveal His truth to me, if I just stay my 2 am prayer. He seems to need to get me in the middle of the night, for me to stay still.

Thanks for the reminder...your Father has passed his wisdom down...what a heritage

Lea @ CiCis Corner said...

What a beautiful and heartfelt entry Sonja. Your words touched me this afternoon as I sit here recovering from some major Endodonic surgery. May you have a joy filled weekend!

BARBIE said...

I am so thankful that His door is always open, and that He delights in the sound of my voice!

Patrinas Pencil said...

You know what, dear one? Not only have you and your prayer life changed - but your writing has a different flair too. I think the sabbatical was good for you.

This was so well written. So true to our Lord and Savior. So true to the character of our human flesh.

I am so thankful that He never tires of our "knocking".

I loved the photo selection for this piece of work.

hugs to you
patrina <")>><